2am... I think we will wrap up the day.

I can tell there is something eating at me again... I am exhausted tired (insomnia) but I get to that point where I don't like lying down to sleep as that is when my brain kicks into overdrive... and tonight, much like last night there is kind of a black ick that is seeping through my guts and brain... I mixture of anxiety and depression.... and I want to say loneliness... but that is not it. I don't enjoy companionship much these days... hearing people just makes me jumpy and testy... So it's not loneliness... it is a void, of which I know not with what to fill it, if that makes sense. it seems the harder I focus on trying to see the silver linings and the positives, the more pronounced the opposite becomes and the growing vacant feeling inside becomes heavy and sucks my brain down into it. With that, I am just gonna shut the day down... We will give it another go tomorrow... I am not wanting to keep score of the losing days... they are growing, and I am sinking.