FU La La La La... La la la la

Christmas is back on us... Now, I am 100% behind the reason for the holiday... I mean Holy Day, no better definition of holiday. The thing that drives me batshit crazy is people and the expectation to be social. Part of my current living situation is having to deal and live with an extremely social person... Social gatherings ALWAYS have to happen here. I don't dislike any of the people that attend, most are really great human beings and great friends to my brother; it is awesome. But for someone who is socially drained from just going to the grocery store, it is really fucking difficult to wear the "happy to see you" mask... Because though you may be great people... I'm not into hanging out... to fake small talk.... to talk. It is just so draining. I wish that I had that switch, nowadays, that allows me to "turn on" and be social and jolly... but truth is, being around others makes me feel so much more alienated and alone than when I am actually isolated and alone. But, getting the house ready so everyone can come over and be jolly, I just hope to God I can stay in my room and not be forced out to be social... I gotta be honest, people make me feel almost homicidal... Socializing just seems so fake and full of shit... Is it really worth it.? For some, I suppose, it is... but for me, I would rather hide under the earth until they all go away. Now as for everyone, I do sincerely wish you the absolute best and the happiest of holidays... My bitter disgust with being social does not mean that I don't have the capacity to love people, my friends, my family... I love them all tremendously... I just don't feel the need to be around them... So don't take it personally... I love you, I just don't love when you are around!